Most of the contests at PAX were simple enough: You filled out a form, stuffed it in a box, and promptly forgot you had ever participated in it. A few others had some qualifications: Two Worlds demanded that you defeated someone in a wizardly duel first. Fun fact: Eldrich magic is no match for a brisk jog.
And then there was Nvidia's contest. You stood in a line. You picked up a shirt, and a button. The button had a number on it. Someone else in the convention would be wearing a button with a number identical to yours. All you had to do was to find that person, and the two of you might get to spin a wheel that offered everything from fifty dollars worth of stuff, to the latest and greatest of video cards, to a whole host of other items.
After receiving their badges, the participants would then realize how very poorly designed they were. The Nvidia logo was huge, but the five digit number was very tiny. In a constantly moving crowd of thousands, it would take a miracle to find the person who had their matching number.
Still, gamers are a crafty lot. Handmade signs were swiftly made. Then people realized that if wearing one sign was good, wearing two signs would be even better. But still, they worried. What if they never passed by their numerical soulmate? A nearby wall was commandeered, and numbers were scrawled over it, attached to contact information and pleas for help.
Some reasoned that even that might be insufficient, and stronger methods were required. Those looking for the easy way out would end their questions at a Q & A panel with, "and my Nvidia number is..." Others would spend their off-time standing in the middle of the room, holding up their sign, and turning slowly to show it off better. Their haunted eyes would stare through people, incapable of seeing anything but the numbers that could free them from their hellish existence.
Even sleep was put to a good use. No trip back down the escalators was complete without passing by a beanbag shantytown of slumbering souls, their signs propped up against their bodies. The tableau was one flaming oil barrel away from being the perfect blend of nerdcore and hobocore.
I'm just glad that I never got involved. There was too much to do at PAX, and too little time to do it in. Even without wearing a sign across my chest, just constantly checking the badge numbers of everyone would have been too much of a distraction to me. In the end, I wonder if the button design actually reinforced the message Nvidia was trying to put out. After all, everyone involved now has firsthand experience of poor graphics making a game tooth-grindingly difficult.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
PAX 2007: Between Medium And Xtra Large
One of my goals at PAX was to pick up more T-shirts. Not counting my hoodie though, which is fairly useless for an East Coaster in Los Angeles, I already have three Penny Arcade shirts. As much as I'd like to hail ball, I'd feel like a tool if I could outfit myself courtesy of Kiko all week. So other than picking up a PAX '07 tee, my intent was to diversify.
In all, I acquired four new T-shirts. Two were purchased with cash. Another was given to me in return for a charitable donation. I won the last in a Chow-Yun Fat trivia contest.
Me: The Corrupter!
Stranglehold Guy: Give that man a T-shirt.
Stranglehold Woman: You're a Medium?
Me: I taste dead people.
Stranglehold Woman: I have Large and Xtra large.
Me: Uh, maybe it will shrink in the wash?
Stranglehold Guy: What do John Woo, Brian DePalma, and J.J. Abrams have in common?
Me: Mission: Impossible!
Stranglehold Guy: Sir, you've already got your over-sized night shirt. No shot glass for you.
The Stranglehold T-shirts were designed solely for the development team on the video game. Also, it was white, so it wasn't like I'd be inclined to wear it anyway. Overall, a minor disappointment compared to the Large T-shirt I bought from The NESkimos.
I knew it would be too big for me. It always is when whoever is at the merch table says, "Maybe it will shrink in the wash." But I felt bad for them. They had to play after Freezepop, and other than rocking the entire soundtrack to Castlevania II, their set was weak. A guy I met last year at the post-PAX nerdcore night walked out. I'm sorry, dude. I was embarrassed, too.
I felt I'd look like a dick if I asked the ECA representative at PAX for a raincheck on a T-shirt I could actually wear. I'll do it through e-mail instead. I'll even return the one they gave me and pay for postage. It's for a good cause.
Which leaves me with one T-shirt that almost fits.
I know this seems unusually "You own a dog and you feed it" for our blog, but I am going somewhere with this. I just never gained respect for the academic approach to thesis statements. When the authors of Freakonomics or Richistan blow their "In conclusion" load in the first 15 pages, why do I need to read the rest of the book? Give me an anecdote instead, and save the sound bites for page 220.
In all, I acquired four new T-shirts. Two were purchased with cash. Another was given to me in return for a charitable donation. I won the last in a Chow-Yun Fat trivia contest.
Me: The Corrupter!
Stranglehold Guy: Give that man a T-shirt.
Stranglehold Woman: You're a Medium?
Me: I taste dead people.
Stranglehold Woman: I have Large and Xtra large.
Me: Uh, maybe it will shrink in the wash?
Stranglehold Guy: What do John Woo, Brian DePalma, and J.J. Abrams have in common?
Me: Mission: Impossible!
Stranglehold Guy: Sir, you've already got your over-sized night shirt. No shot glass for you.
The Stranglehold T-shirts were designed solely for the development team on the video game. Also, it was white, so it wasn't like I'd be inclined to wear it anyway. Overall, a minor disappointment compared to the Large T-shirt I bought from The NESkimos.
I knew it would be too big for me. It always is when whoever is at the merch table says, "Maybe it will shrink in the wash." But I felt bad for them. They had to play after Freezepop, and other than rocking the entire soundtrack to Castlevania II, their set was weak. A guy I met last year at the post-PAX nerdcore night walked out. I'm sorry, dude. I was embarrassed, too.
I felt I'd look like a dick if I asked the ECA representative at PAX for a raincheck on a T-shirt I could actually wear. I'll do it through e-mail instead. I'll even return the one they gave me and pay for postage. It's for a good cause.
Which leaves me with one T-shirt that almost fits.
I know this seems unusually "You own a dog and you feed it" for our blog, but I am going somewhere with this. I just never gained respect for the academic approach to thesis statements. When the authors of Freakonomics or Richistan blow their "In conclusion" load in the first 15 pages, why do I need to read the rest of the book? Give me an anecdote instead, and save the sound bites for page 220.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
PAX 2007: Your Demo Sucks
Pheonix Wright had already left PAX by Sunday afternoon, in order to engage in a tedious amount of backtracking. Luckily, Miles Edgeworth was more than ready to prove that he is made of sterner stuff.
And yes, as fun as PAX was, there were some things to find objectionable about it. Most of these were the audience participation part of the show, where people wandering the exhibition hall were suddenly grabbed by burly men, and forced to play demos for card games of varying collectability. Still, such tragic occurrences can teach a person a lot. For example, I walked away with a newfound wealth of knowledge about how not to present a demonstration of a game.
- Promising to teach a game in five minutes is just a bad idea. For example, I was taught that in the Hero Card System, your character has a thing, a thing, and another thing. You can play three things a turn, and three identically named things that modify these things. Then, remove three things, and your turn ends. Logically, this easily lends itself to games based around metaphysical dream combat, stealing treasure from orcs, and hacking the planet.
- Lying about how a card game works just confuses everyone. The Ultimate Fighting System presents a card game with a host of rules, most of which were only revealed to the players halfway through the game. On paper, this makes the game a bit easier to digest on the players. In reality, the people involved may very well feel like the game they're playing has an infinite number of rules... especially when rules that would have altered the game from the beginning are not announced until after it ends.
- If a collectable card game is not going to give away a free demo deck after the game ends, there is no damn reason why both players' decks should be as boring as humanly possible. As far as we could tell, World Of Warcraft: The CCG is a dull game with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Worse, we realized this within the first ten minutes of a game that took half an hour to finish.
The last game especially seemed weak when compared to The Spoils. There, the demonstration of it was well run, with an able description of how to play in the beginning, with no crucial rules left out. The games goals were adjusted downwards, so that the players could get back to the convention. And afterwords, the players had a nice, tournament legal deck of cards to keep... and add to, of course.
And yes, as fun as PAX was, there were some things to find objectionable about it. Most of these were the audience participation part of the show, where people wandering the exhibition hall were suddenly grabbed by burly men, and forced to play demos for card games of varying collectability. Still, such tragic occurrences can teach a person a lot. For example, I walked away with a newfound wealth of knowledge about how not to present a demonstration of a game.
- Promising to teach a game in five minutes is just a bad idea. For example, I was taught that in the Hero Card System, your character has a thing, a thing, and another thing. You can play three things a turn, and three identically named things that modify these things. Then, remove three things, and your turn ends. Logically, this easily lends itself to games based around metaphysical dream combat, stealing treasure from orcs, and hacking the planet.
- Lying about how a card game works just confuses everyone. The Ultimate Fighting System presents a card game with a host of rules, most of which were only revealed to the players halfway through the game. On paper, this makes the game a bit easier to digest on the players. In reality, the people involved may very well feel like the game they're playing has an infinite number of rules... especially when rules that would have altered the game from the beginning are not announced until after it ends.
- If a collectable card game is not going to give away a free demo deck after the game ends, there is no damn reason why both players' decks should be as boring as humanly possible. As far as we could tell, World Of Warcraft: The CCG is a dull game with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Worse, we realized this within the first ten minutes of a game that took half an hour to finish.
The last game especially seemed weak when compared to The Spoils. There, the demonstration of it was well run, with an able description of how to play in the beginning, with no crucial rules left out. The games goals were adjusted downwards, so that the players could get back to the convention. And afterwords, the players had a nice, tournament legal deck of cards to keep... and add to, of course.
Monday, August 27, 2007
PAX 2007: Not A Live Blog
Let me get this out of the way first. I don't know how widely it's been reported, but the Penny Arcade game On The Rain-Slick Precipice Of Darkness is a old-school graphic adventure with turn-based combat. I have seen it with my own eyes while holding several others' eyes in my hands. I had never imagined such a thing. It looks glorious.
We've been off the grid for several days in Seattle, soaking in PAX. On the spot reports are available at 1UP, with varying excesses in punctuation. Not that I blame anyone. Where else can you go from Wil Wheaton decrying government interference in video games to Uwe Boll ranting about foreign policy in less than 3 hours? Nowhere else on Friday, August 24th, 2007, that's where.
We'll be going into more intimate detail throughout the week. Rather than taking a "Day One, 1400 hours" approach, we'll dissect certain aspects of the experience to present a slice of life tableaux. Or at least I will, and I'll remove Mr. Bile's posts if he tries to do otherwise. We may not get to everything before deciding it's completely dated though, so allow me to single out some highlights:
More on that last bullet point later this week. Also, the story of PAX as told through T-shirts, a numerical photo essay, we interrogate a poor guy at the Wizards of the Coast booth about D&D 4th edition, and we almost get free drinks and sandwiches twice. What more could you ask for?
Maybe a picture of this guy. I'm sorry. I left my camera in the hotel room most of the weekend, and I didn't realize who he was until it was too late. Mr. Bile, I don't suppose you managed to track down Phoenix Wright and his archenemy in the waning hours of PAX?
We've been off the grid for several days in Seattle, soaking in PAX. On the spot reports are available at 1UP, with varying excesses in punctuation. Not that I blame anyone. Where else can you go from Wil Wheaton decrying government interference in video games to Uwe Boll ranting about foreign policy in less than 3 hours? Nowhere else on Friday, August 24th, 2007, that's where.
We'll be going into more intimate detail throughout the week. Rather than taking a "Day One, 1400 hours" approach, we'll dissect certain aspects of the experience to present a slice of life tableaux. Or at least I will, and I'll remove Mr. Bile's posts if he tries to do otherwise. We may not get to everything before deciding it's completely dated though, so allow me to single out some highlights:
- A day before the convention had even begun, I saw a furry.
- Over the course of three days, I was mistaken for an indie musician, a rock star, and a woman.
- I not only rode three escalators in succession with MC Frontalot, I saw his band demo "Creep" on Rock Band.
- Three people who I met last year at PAX, who I had not heard from since, came up to me and said, "Hey, it's you!" That was neat.
- I met two more nice people at the 1UP panel who might remember me next year.
- I sat through the entire surprise guest panel with Uwe Boll as he dissembled under questioning and, other than the woman who called him out for making racist shit (I think I'm paraphrasing, but I'm sure both those words were used), those who didn't leave the theater backed away from making the honest, incendiary comments they've freely printed anonymously on the Internet since House of the Dead.
- I got a complimentary spongy baseball from ITT Tech, and entered to win my weight in ramen noodles.
- I pwned Mr. Bile in Puzzle Fighter.
- I learned the difference between geeks and hipsters.
More on that last bullet point later this week. Also, the story of PAX as told through T-shirts, a numerical photo essay, we interrogate a poor guy at the Wizards of the Coast booth about D&D 4th edition, and we almost get free drinks and sandwiches twice. What more could you ask for?
Maybe a picture of this guy. I'm sorry. I left my camera in the hotel room most of the weekend, and I didn't realize who he was until it was too late. Mr. Bile, I don't suppose you managed to track down Phoenix Wright and his archenemy in the waning hours of PAX?
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
D&DTF, Part 2
"If you don't like it, you don't have to buy it."
When Dungeons and Dragons was upgraded to Third Edition, other argument about its value to the customer was eventually ended by that statement. You don't like what they're doing? Keep your old books, and play your old games. You can live without the future, and the future can survive without you.
The same argument returned during the great cash-grab that was Dungeons and Dragons Edition Three-Point-Five. Fourth Edition has been announced, and some people have taken offense to the fact that they're expected to replace all of their thirty dollar books after a mere five years of service.
But they don't have to join in, of course.
For fun, go to your local gaming store, and look at its role-playing section. The section is probably smaller now than it used to be, with spaces that formerly had first rate fanfiction now featuring box after box of miniatures instead. Now, examine how many of the books are part of Dungeons and Dragon's Edition 3.5.. Try to figure out how much those books must have cost the store.
In less than a year, fourth edition will come out and all of that merchandise will become nearly unsellable. This includes the new merchandise just added to their shelves, such as the Monstrous Manual V. And of course, this goes double for the near mint copy of The Complete Psionics Handbook for Second Edition that seems to linger in half of the game stores across the country. They stand as the least loved members of a bygone age, one where not buying the latest new thing just meant that you missed out on a box of ideas, instead of a new mathmatical formula that is required for the next five years.
When Dungeons and Dragons was upgraded to Third Edition, other argument about its value to the customer was eventually ended by that statement. You don't like what they're doing? Keep your old books, and play your old games. You can live without the future, and the future can survive without you.
The same argument returned during the great cash-grab that was Dungeons and Dragons Edition Three-Point-Five. Fourth Edition has been announced, and some people have taken offense to the fact that they're expected to replace all of their thirty dollar books after a mere five years of service.
But they don't have to join in, of course.
For fun, go to your local gaming store, and look at its role-playing section. The section is probably smaller now than it used to be, with spaces that formerly had first rate fanfiction now featuring box after box of miniatures instead. Now, examine how many of the books are part of Dungeons and Dragon's Edition 3.5.. Try to figure out how much those books must have cost the store.
In less than a year, fourth edition will come out and all of that merchandise will become nearly unsellable. This includes the new merchandise just added to their shelves, such as the Monstrous Manual V. And of course, this goes double for the near mint copy of The Complete Psionics Handbook for Second Edition that seems to linger in half of the game stores across the country. They stand as the least loved members of a bygone age, one where not buying the latest new thing just meant that you missed out on a box of ideas, instead of a new mathmatical formula that is required for the next five years.
Read: Two Books About Supervillains
If I could have chosen one week out of the year so far to fall victim to illness, I couldn't have picked a worse week than this one. Other than that time I was on the run from a serial killer. But it did give me some time to finish unrenewable library books.
If your weekly Internet browsing includes sites that feature book reviews, you've probably heard about Soon I Will Be Invincible. The author is Austin Grossman, and it's no wonder the book has attracted media attention. He's worked on some high-profile story-oriented video games, and 20 odd years after Watchmen, "literary" takes on superheroes are in. It's hip to try as hard as you can to like them. Of course, a movie is in planning stages.
People give Tim Burton a lot of shit for "not getting" Batman. But I have a feeling 20 years from now comic fans and movie critics are going to agree. With Batman Returns in particular (and a lot of help from Danny Elfman), he did something no one's really done during our current comic-book movie boom. He took someone else's characters, with years of canon, and ran with the concept. That's what great comic books are about, as Alan Moore and Frank Miller proved so long ago. "I have six months to tell my Batman story, and it's the dream of every 12-year-old boy. Fuck it, I want penguins with rocket launchers. And Prince."
Given the chance to create his own alternate DC universe, Austin Grossman does nothing unusual. Soon I Will Be Invincible is at best two novellas (one from the point of a super villain, another from a reluctant hero) slapped together. Which might be acceptable if it wasn't pretending to be a novel. But despite his statements to the contrary, it reads like a video game. Reading the book is like pressing the right mouse button to click through cut-scenes. If you're reading this blog, you've been there before.
Catherine Jinks' approach to supervillains is lower-profile, but more intriguing. If you've ever wondered what Harry Potter would be like from the point of Slytherin, this is the book for you. The narrative drags in the middle and the ending is a bit pat, but the author isn't afraid to address some of the more unpleasant aspects of teenage life. Evil Genius has a real feel-bad emotional aspect that JK Rowling's series lacks. It's over the top, but more believable. The only real flaw in the current hardcover addition is that stupid cardboard last page. You have been warned.
If your weekly Internet browsing includes sites that feature book reviews, you've probably heard about Soon I Will Be Invincible. The author is Austin Grossman, and it's no wonder the book has attracted media attention. He's worked on some high-profile story-oriented video games, and 20 odd years after Watchmen, "literary" takes on superheroes are in. It's hip to try as hard as you can to like them. Of course, a movie is in planning stages.
People give Tim Burton a lot of shit for "not getting" Batman. But I have a feeling 20 years from now comic fans and movie critics are going to agree. With Batman Returns in particular (and a lot of help from Danny Elfman), he did something no one's really done during our current comic-book movie boom. He took someone else's characters, with years of canon, and ran with the concept. That's what great comic books are about, as Alan Moore and Frank Miller proved so long ago. "I have six months to tell my Batman story, and it's the dream of every 12-year-old boy. Fuck it, I want penguins with rocket launchers. And Prince."
Given the chance to create his own alternate DC universe, Austin Grossman does nothing unusual. Soon I Will Be Invincible is at best two novellas (one from the point of a super villain, another from a reluctant hero) slapped together. Which might be acceptable if it wasn't pretending to be a novel. But despite his statements to the contrary, it reads like a video game. Reading the book is like pressing the right mouse button to click through cut-scenes. If you're reading this blog, you've been there before.
Catherine Jinks' approach to supervillains is lower-profile, but more intriguing. If you've ever wondered what Harry Potter would be like from the point of Slytherin, this is the book for you. The narrative drags in the middle and the ending is a bit pat, but the author isn't afraid to address some of the more unpleasant aspects of teenage life. Evil Genius has a real feel-bad emotional aspect that JK Rowling's series lacks. It's over the top, but more believable. The only real flaw in the current hardcover addition is that stupid cardboard last page. You have been warned.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Movies Are Awesome
Harold and Kumar 2 CONFIRMED! And if the trailer and Wikipedia summary are any indication, it's going to be fucking awesome.
I was going to rant about how, other than that, we're entering a sad seaon of movie trailers, but then I clicked on the link for Exiled. Let's all meet up for that at the ArcLight on Labor Day, shall we? Deep Water looks intriguing as well, if you can ignore the talking heads. A water race around the world drives a man crazy. And then he cheats! Someone make a video game out of that, please.
I was encouraged to research the state of trailers after watching Superbad, where I learned recent "parody" movies have lowered the bar so far that they're now doing alternate takes on movies that were originally intended to be comedies. The less said about the other trailers I saw, the better for my personal safety.
As for Superbad, it's hard to watch this movie without imagining Kevin Smith ripping out his hair, and maybe even his teeth. I know I've used this analogy before, but it's the sort of movie he thinks he's been making for...well, since Clerks. It perfectly captures the dynamics of male friendship. You talk shit, you fight for conversational supremacy, you hold secret grudges that when voiced aloud are embarrassingly emotionally retarded, and every once in awhile you say something really mean and stupid. But if all goes well and both parties are willing to admit they can be a dick, you hug it out, bitch.
Aww.
You'd have to be a hardcore northeast coast liberal eXtreme bumper sticker feminist to not laugh at this movie. Put aside the "are men/boys really like this?" argument. (Um...yeah. Sorry. Deal.) Like other films under Judd Apatow's aegis (40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up), it portrays something rare in comedy. Real people, everyday, at the most random moments, say stuff that's hilarious.
If that world seems alien to you, than I'd be very, very sad for you. You know, if I was willing to allow myself a moment of empathy. Which I can't, because I'm hindered by that extra chromosome.
I was going to rant about how, other than that, we're entering a sad seaon of movie trailers, but then I clicked on the link for Exiled. Let's all meet up for that at the ArcLight on Labor Day, shall we? Deep Water looks intriguing as well, if you can ignore the talking heads. A water race around the world drives a man crazy. And then he cheats! Someone make a video game out of that, please.
I was encouraged to research the state of trailers after watching Superbad, where I learned recent "parody" movies have lowered the bar so far that they're now doing alternate takes on movies that were originally intended to be comedies. The less said about the other trailers I saw, the better for my personal safety.
As for Superbad, it's hard to watch this movie without imagining Kevin Smith ripping out his hair, and maybe even his teeth. I know I've used this analogy before, but it's the sort of movie he thinks he's been making for...well, since Clerks. It perfectly captures the dynamics of male friendship. You talk shit, you fight for conversational supremacy, you hold secret grudges that when voiced aloud are embarrassingly emotionally retarded, and every once in awhile you say something really mean and stupid. But if all goes well and both parties are willing to admit they can be a dick, you hug it out, bitch.
Aww.
You'd have to be a hardcore northeast coast liberal eXtreme bumper sticker feminist to not laugh at this movie. Put aside the "are men/boys really like this?" argument. (Um...yeah. Sorry. Deal.) Like other films under Judd Apatow's aegis (40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up), it portrays something rare in comedy. Real people, everyday, at the most random moments, say stuff that's hilarious.
If that world seems alien to you, than I'd be very, very sad for you. You know, if I was willing to allow myself a moment of empathy. Which I can't, because I'm hindered by that extra chromosome.
D&DTF?
Because 3.5 wasn't enough. There's now a fourth edition of Dungeons and Dragons. And (I don't think this is a joke) there's a trailer.
I have to give them some credit. Although I think that new editions/supplements are everything that's wrong about tabletop RPGs, the trailer does suggest that 4.0 addresses the primary drawback of third edition: DM loading times. But both math and rules-lawyering are an integral part of the game, and I don't understand why they would get rid of either. Unless DMs are expected to run modules on their laptops now, as the video hints at.
The short of it though, is that Wizards has updated the game every 3 or 4 years, requiring players to pick up new PHBs and tempting DMs with an innumerable amount of ancillary materials of limited shelf life.
It's been 30 years. Why isn't the game just done?
Details on D4 can be found here, at this suspiciously corporate sounding blog, good old EN World, and on any number of horrible abuses of YouTube. Spread it!
I don't have the stomach for this sort of bullshit, but what I did read before my eyes glazed over suggests D&D is now officially on rails. Also, there are more monsters to fight! (Assuming you buy the Monstrous Manual again.)
I'll let Mr. Bile or TomFoolery pick this apart. I need a nap.
I have to give them some credit. Although I think that new editions/supplements are everything that's wrong about tabletop RPGs, the trailer does suggest that 4.0 addresses the primary drawback of third edition: DM loading times. But both math and rules-lawyering are an integral part of the game, and I don't understand why they would get rid of either. Unless DMs are expected to run modules on their laptops now, as the video hints at.
The short of it though, is that Wizards has updated the game every 3 or 4 years, requiring players to pick up new PHBs and tempting DMs with an innumerable amount of ancillary materials of limited shelf life.
It's been 30 years. Why isn't the game just done?
Details on D4 can be found here, at this suspiciously corporate sounding blog, good old EN World, and on any number of horrible abuses of YouTube. Spread it!
I don't have the stomach for this sort of bullshit, but what I did read before my eyes glazed over suggests D&D is now officially on rails. Also, there are more monsters to fight! (Assuming you buy the Monstrous Manual again.)
I'll let Mr. Bile or TomFoolery pick this apart. I need a nap.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
What I Haven't Been Blogging About
It can be tough being Midboss. The daily grind of random guilds attempting to level-grind their way through me has taken its toll this summer. I am running out of magical drops. I currently find myself hurtling towards a climactic raid encounter with tanks and DPS'ers of significantly higher levels than me and my mobs. Posts will be light until PAX.
Here's what I would be blogging about, if I had the mana to post:
Beefy: I know I've brought the name up before, but he has a new song on his MySpace. It's very sweet. If you are a gamer, either lapsed or hardcore, you owe it to yourself to check out "Play With Me" just for the chorus. Bethzilla is teh hawt, as the nerds used to say. (Someone update me on what the nerds say now. Thanks.)
Casino Royale: Ow! My balls! Pretty to look at, but too long. Certain Cold War conceits don't adapt well to more modern political conflicts. An acceptable and grounded franchise reboot/origin story. I hope Hollywood makes further use of Mads Mikkelsen, believable bad guy and "sexiest guy" from Denmark.
The Dark River by John Twelve Hawks: Great listen thanks to the vocal talent of Scott Brick. As in book one, The Traveler, characters may have seemed a bit bland without his inflections. But considering this is the second cliff-hanger in a row, and the final book won't be out for another two years, I don't see the point in recommending it until 2009. It's not a Sopranos ending, but an epilogue would have gone a long way towards making this a more satisfying read/listen.
Gametap: Is the reason I now have an Xbox 360 controller. Now if only Tomb Raider Anniversary (which is awesome) recognized that I had it plugged in and gave me gamepad tips as opposed to keyboard instructions. Things crash, I have to run Overlord in a disappointing resolution, and with I through IV available, I'm not sure I can tell what the best version of Heroes of Might and Magic is. But it's made me feel like a gamer again right when I needed it.
Guitar Hero '80s: I borrowed this from a friend out of sense of obligation to Oingo Boingo. The critical consensus is right on the mark. The '80s didn't rock as much as I thought they did. Medium's a drag. Hard is a bit more tolerable than GH2, but sucks when you get to songs you've never heard before. I'll admit that I'm curious enough to get to other actual fun songs to beat Balls To Teh Wall, but in the age of iTunes, I don't understand why I can't just pick the songs I want to play and rock out.
Harry Potter and the Whatsits by JK Rowling: I will save my final thoughts until Mr. Bile finishes the book. No point speaking into a vacuum on my own blog. When he is done, we will go at it Instant Messenger style. Only one can blog while the other still reads. Ginny is a whorecrux.
Ooky Spooky by Voltaire: It's finally out. I'm sure it's a great album if you haven't seen him perform live since Boo Hoo was released. If you have, the only real improvement with accompaniment is "Dead." "Hell In A Handbasket" is better live, and as Mr. Bile mentioned some time ago, the one song everyone wanted is not included on the latest album. TF?
Porn: The more time passes, the longer my thesis becomes. I will get to this soon, I promise.
Roky Erickson: Apparently, he's more than just a guy who wrote a song I bought on iTunes over a year ago. He is a real person who founded psychedelic rock and was horribly scarred by the time he spent in mental institutions. I suggest you check out his library. I'm partial to "I Have Always Been Here Before" myself. If I had heard it before, I would have requested it at my wedding.
Here's what I would be blogging about, if I had the mana to post:
Beefy: I know I've brought the name up before, but he has a new song on his MySpace. It's very sweet. If you are a gamer, either lapsed or hardcore, you owe it to yourself to check out "Play With Me" just for the chorus. Bethzilla is teh hawt, as the nerds used to say. (Someone update me on what the nerds say now. Thanks.)
Casino Royale: Ow! My balls! Pretty to look at, but too long. Certain Cold War conceits don't adapt well to more modern political conflicts. An acceptable and grounded franchise reboot/origin story. I hope Hollywood makes further use of Mads Mikkelsen, believable bad guy and "sexiest guy" from Denmark.
The Dark River by John Twelve Hawks: Great listen thanks to the vocal talent of Scott Brick. As in book one, The Traveler, characters may have seemed a bit bland without his inflections. But considering this is the second cliff-hanger in a row, and the final book won't be out for another two years, I don't see the point in recommending it until 2009. It's not a Sopranos ending, but an epilogue would have gone a long way towards making this a more satisfying read/listen.
Gametap: Is the reason I now have an Xbox 360 controller. Now if only Tomb Raider Anniversary (which is awesome) recognized that I had it plugged in and gave me gamepad tips as opposed to keyboard instructions. Things crash, I have to run Overlord in a disappointing resolution, and with I through IV available, I'm not sure I can tell what the best version of Heroes of Might and Magic is. But it's made me feel like a gamer again right when I needed it.
Guitar Hero '80s: I borrowed this from a friend out of sense of obligation to Oingo Boingo. The critical consensus is right on the mark. The '80s didn't rock as much as I thought they did. Medium's a drag. Hard is a bit more tolerable than GH2, but sucks when you get to songs you've never heard before. I'll admit that I'm curious enough to get to other actual fun songs to beat Balls To Teh Wall, but in the age of iTunes, I don't understand why I can't just pick the songs I want to play and rock out.
Harry Potter and the Whatsits by JK Rowling: I will save my final thoughts until Mr. Bile finishes the book. No point speaking into a vacuum on my own blog. When he is done, we will go at it Instant Messenger style. Only one can blog while the other still reads. Ginny is a whorecrux.
Ooky Spooky by Voltaire: It's finally out. I'm sure it's a great album if you haven't seen him perform live since Boo Hoo was released. If you have, the only real improvement with accompaniment is "Dead." "Hell In A Handbasket" is better live, and as Mr. Bile mentioned some time ago, the one song everyone wanted is not included on the latest album. TF?
Porn: The more time passes, the longer my thesis becomes. I will get to this soon, I promise.
Roky Erickson: Apparently, he's more than just a guy who wrote a song I bought on iTunes over a year ago. He is a real person who founded psychedelic rock and was horribly scarred by the time he spent in mental institutions. I suggest you check out his library. I'm partial to "I Have Always Been Here Before" myself. If I had heard it before, I would have requested it at my wedding.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Don't Read This: Halfway Through Harry
I've been taking my time with Harry Potter: The Last. I've gotten so used to listening to the series during long car trips that I almost can't do it any other way. Almost.
Anyway, I'm at the halfway point, and here are some disjointed thoughts on it:
Anyway, I'm at the halfway point, and here are some disjointed thoughts on it:
- The Escape From Harry's House scene sets an good tone for the book. By the end of it, I fully believed that any character could die at any time. This is enhanced by the fact that none of the Deatheaters from book five or earlier do much now but whimper in the shadows. The chase featured a new crew of large bearded men as Voldemort's go-to goons... minions who I don't remember being utterly useless in previous stories.
- Fleur gets to become an extended member of Harry's crew, but Victor Crumb gets shoved aside the moment he reappeared. My dreams of a Crumb/Luna teamup were so close to being fulfilled...
- What's an epic fantasy without interminable chapters of characters being crushed under the weight of their own burdens? Disc after disc of Harry, Ron, and Hermione on the run, passing a single likeable personality between them, and making worse and worse decisions. I know it was included deliberately, but that doesn't mean I am not so very glad that part seems to be over.
- It was worth it all for the Nagini scene.
- I question both why people would tell Harry that his wand can't do Magic Things, and why anyone would think wearing Voldemort's soul next to their bare flesh would be anything but a terrible idea.
- Even though every previous book has been about some new event/object never before mentioned, the Deathly Hallows really seem to come out of left field. I think it's because the book had been dealing exclusively with the repercussions of book six until now then.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Too Much Darksiding
Whatever Penny Arcade may have said, games journalism still sucks. There are a host of reasons for this, but most of them boil down to the magazines wanting to keep the companies that give them exclusives happy, and to keep advertisers happier. That's understandable. But it would be nice if the writers at least tried to hide this from us. Barring that, I would love to stop reading sentences like, "Combining stylish design and larger-than-life combat and characters, Darksiders should provide plenty of twists on the action/exploration formula." Change the word "Darksiders" and "Action/exploration," and you are left with one of the five generic Conclusion sentences that generic game journalists use. I get the same sensation reading those words that a college professor must have when the last paragraph of a thesis paper begins with "In conclusion, (thing I said) combined with (other thing I said) leads naturally to (the thing you just read one minute ago)."So, yes, I'm still thinking about that Darksiders article. Someone got paid for writing it. Hell, if you include the game's PR rep, two different people got paid for it. An editor was paid to edit it, and possibly to write "When this monster grabs War, players will have to rapidly hit buttons to escape," under a picture of a burning Sleestak. In short, a lot of money was expended just to annoy me.
In order to make myself feel better, I'd like to share some of the questions that should have been asked:
General questions:
-So, what kind of items will it take to unlock doors in your game? Gems? Souls? Decorative plaques in the shape of celestial bodies? Or will it just be keys again?
-Will your character get icy attacks that put out flames, and fiery attacks that melt ice?
-Explain to me how you are able to tell "Exporation" and "Backtracking" apart.
-Given the ever-increasing amount of memory available for saving game data, how can you justify the lack of an instant quick-save system?
-Do you worry that the sense of accomplishment gained from acquiring new abilities throughout your game has been watered down by over fifteen years of other games doing the exact same thing?
Specific questions:
-Your game is set in a world where humanity has been wiped off of the earth, and only the warring factions of angels and demons are left. Why should I care what happens next?
-In Darksiders, you say that you "refer to angels and demons and the Four Horsemen. Other than that, there are no religious overtones at all." Exactly how secular do you think an angel can be?
-In the beginning of Darksiders, the current lineup of The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse is Death, Fury, Strife, and Abaddon. From this information, would it be correct to assume you think Lynyrd Skynyrd has only gotten stronger over the years?
-Are you worried that you have weakened the value of your intelectual property by basing it off of a character that lies wholly within the public domain? Especially given how little of the original story you decided to use?
-The game begins with Abaddon kicking War's ass, and stealing his powers. Why can't we play as that guy instead?
-When you were asked why you removed two of the Four Horsemen, you answered, "We just imagined a character select screen where players had to choose a character named Famine or Pestilence and it just seemed kind of lame." However, I have personally selected a character named Strife in SoulCalabur 3, and regretted it. Can you explain this?
-You have said, "You won't be picking up anything small like pistols or shotguns. Think rocket launchers or larger." Why would I want to think about rocket launchers?
-Later in the game, the player gets to use Death's Scythe. Why doesn't Death have a rocket launcher?
-You mention that "The Four Horsemen idea really got everyone excited." What is it about a non-religious adaptation of The Book Of Revelations that jettisons everything but angels, demons, and two of the Four Horsemen that excited you most?
-Speaking of which, the Book Of Revelations features the giant head of Satan, and a multiheaded beast that is also the ruler of a world-spanning empire. Wouldn't those make for better boss fights than a giant bat that is weak against to loud noises?
-Finally, why did you name your game Darksiders, and not Darkriders?
Don't Read This Either! More Potter Ramblings
I am more than halfway through the final book of the Harry Potter saga. I can't deny that listening to it on CD, every day I wish my commute was a little bit longer. But inside my forehead there's a bored whisper. It sounds like Simon Pegg, and it says, "Skip to the end..."
I've always had issues with Rowling's sentences, plotting, and plot-creep cheats. "[blank] swelled up in Harry's chest like a balloon." All those important conversations interrupted by "then they heard voices," and not resumed for weeks. The "You didn't know about these before because [they didn't exist until this book]" excuse. Plus there's that ever-present "It must be Snape!" thing, when it's so obviously not. Rowling has no poker face, as Deathly Hallows often demonstrates.
But I was sucked in anyway, because of the characters and the characterizations of Jim Dale, who reads the audiobooks. Without them, the series would be a chore.
Case in point, The Deathy Hallows. The setup at the end of The Half-Blood Prince was intriguing. Harry planned to skip his last semester at Hogwarts to hunt down Voldemort. I didn't think Rowling would actually go through with it. But she did, and it's shocking how badly the plot stumbles without the school framework. How's a woman supposed to know when to advance the plot if there's no summer vacation, Halloween, Valentine's Day, or trips to Hogsmead?
Worse, taking the heroes out of Hogwarts means no character interaction. So far, Harry, Ron, and Hermione have spent most of their time sitting around, sophomorically speculating in circles, waiting for things to happen to them. When it does, one or two characters from Rowling's sprawling cast might make a cameo appearance. "Look, there in that paragraph! It's Luna Lovegood! And her father's in this book, too! Wow, that was fast. Oh, right, Draco! Forgot about him. I wonder if anything's going on with Neville. Kind of odd we haven't seen him yet, don't you think?"
I might as well be watching one of the movies, hoping for a brief scene where Alan Rickman is given a chance to speak.
I've always had issues with Rowling's sentences, plotting, and plot-creep cheats. "[blank] swelled up in Harry's chest like a balloon." All those important conversations interrupted by "then they heard voices," and not resumed for weeks. The "You didn't know about these before because [they didn't exist until this book]" excuse. Plus there's that ever-present "It must be Snape!" thing, when it's so obviously not. Rowling has no poker face, as Deathly Hallows often demonstrates.
But I was sucked in anyway, because of the characters and the characterizations of Jim Dale, who reads the audiobooks. Without them, the series would be a chore.
Case in point, The Deathy Hallows. The setup at the end of The Half-Blood Prince was intriguing. Harry planned to skip his last semester at Hogwarts to hunt down Voldemort. I didn't think Rowling would actually go through with it. But she did, and it's shocking how badly the plot stumbles without the school framework. How's a woman supposed to know when to advance the plot if there's no summer vacation, Halloween, Valentine's Day, or trips to Hogsmead?
Worse, taking the heroes out of Hogwarts means no character interaction. So far, Harry, Ron, and Hermione have spent most of their time sitting around, sophomorically speculating in circles, waiting for things to happen to them. When it does, one or two characters from Rowling's sprawling cast might make a cameo appearance. "Look, there in that paragraph! It's Luna Lovegood! And her father's in this book, too! Wow, that was fast. Oh, right, Draco! Forgot about him. I wonder if anything's going on with Neville. Kind of odd we haven't seen him yet, don't you think?"
I might as well be watching one of the movies, hoping for a brief scene where Alan Rickman is given a chance to speak.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
E3: Still Not Dead
It has been nearly been a month since the zombified remains of the Electronic Entertainment Expo held sway over all forms of games-related journalism, giving me plenty of time to reflect what I've learned from it: Nothing. Games that had been previously announced... well, they're still coming out. Games that made money hand over fist are going to get sequels. You can still switch "Too Human" and "Duke Nukem Forever" in any games-related humor article, and nobody will notice. Oh, and the good people at Sony and Microsoft still haven't figured out the delicate art of Public Relations. Just like last year.
But that's okay, because I now receive two different game magazine subscriptions, filling me with articles about this month's World War II shooter, as well as previews about games that will be delayed at least three more times before they come out. Truly, I am better informed about these things than I ought to be.
I don't know how I got a free subscription to Games For Windows, but I'm enjoying it. Each month, they talk about games that I'll never be able to play with my current computer. It takes me back to when I was a kid, buying Gamepro magazine even after they stopped talking about any of the systems I owned. But a few years from now, when I buy a new used computer, I'll be able to look back and know which three year old games I should be buying for it.
And then there's Game Informer. It's the magazine you get for free when a Gamestop employee breaks several store policies to bribe you into getting a Gamestop Edge Membership. Its content is a mix of old news and new infomercials. For example, this month contains an article about Darksiders, a game that honestly believes being able to use an enemy's weapon against him is a new and unique feature. It also introduces two new members of the Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse, because they couldn't think of any possible way they could make Famine or Pestilence interesting. They were replaced by Fury and Strife, who probably power up by chugging cans of Surge Cola. The article goes on in a fawning manner for about four more pages after that, but I can't remember a word of it. This pretty much sums up the whole magazine.
The question is, what do I do with this knowledge? Until I can afford a next-gen system, I can't use the information to buy decent games . And as Narraptor once told me, it's not like anyone is paying me for knowing so much. In the end, I blame the podcasters of the world. Half of our Tolerable Podcasts have been whittled away, so now it's either Games, Lost, or nothing at all.
But that's okay, because I now receive two different game magazine subscriptions, filling me with articles about this month's World War II shooter, as well as previews about games that will be delayed at least three more times before they come out. Truly, I am better informed about these things than I ought to be.
I don't know how I got a free subscription to Games For Windows, but I'm enjoying it. Each month, they talk about games that I'll never be able to play with my current computer. It takes me back to when I was a kid, buying Gamepro magazine even after they stopped talking about any of the systems I owned. But a few years from now, when I buy a new used computer, I'll be able to look back and know which three year old games I should be buying for it.
And then there's Game Informer. It's the magazine you get for free when a Gamestop employee breaks several store policies to bribe you into getting a Gamestop Edge Membership. Its content is a mix of old news and new infomercials. For example, this month contains an article about Darksiders, a game that honestly believes being able to use an enemy's weapon against him is a new and unique feature. It also introduces two new members of the Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse, because they couldn't think of any possible way they could make Famine or Pestilence interesting. They were replaced by Fury and Strife, who probably power up by chugging cans of Surge Cola. The article goes on in a fawning manner for about four more pages after that, but I can't remember a word of it. This pretty much sums up the whole magazine.
The question is, what do I do with this knowledge? Until I can afford a next-gen system, I can't use the information to buy decent games . And as Narraptor once told me, it's not like anyone is paying me for knowing so much. In the end, I blame the podcasters of the world. Half of our Tolerable Podcasts have been whittled away, so now it's either Games, Lost, or nothing at all.
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