Three months after the final volume in the Harry Potter saga was published, J.K. Rowling continues to write its epilogue. If only she had spent that much more time on the book that went to print.
Potter fansites have already been collating postcards from the surviving characters. But after a Q&A last week, the Associated Press finally got into the act. Dumbledore was gay the whole time! (Fun fact: If you enter "dumbledore" into Google, you get "see results for dumbledore dead".) You can read an incomplete transcript of the writer's commentary track here.
Well, that's just fucking fantastic to know. Too bad it isn't stated in any of the books. And that he's dead. And even when he came back as a ghost, he never bothered to mention his love for Grindlewald to Harry, who's always been kind of a prat, and could really use a slap upside the head with a dick.
This isn't a amusing prank on gay-bashing conservatives, and it's not a bone thrown to the TBGL community. It's a cheap stunt and a cop-out by a lazy writer. Either that, or Rowling thinks gay people should only be accepted after they're dead. Rest in peace, Sirius, Lupin, and Tonks. I look forward to hearing about you in future ancillary press conferences.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
Dreamt: Making Money
Immediately after reading Terry Pratchett's Making Money, I had a dream where I entered an underground street race against Lord Vetinari. I didn't lose too badly, but he was a master of the fabled Agatean Drift, whereas I tended to ram into buildings when taking corners.
Afterwards, I complimented his racing, and swore that my attempts to kill him had all been made in jest. Furthermore, I told him that I was excited about the new direction the Discworld books were taking. Clearly, the books about Moist Von Lipwig would eventually tell the story of how he would become the next Patrician, after Lord Vetinari's death.
Then I woke up. I can't say whether this was a prophetic dream or not. It certainly doesn't seem in Pratchett's character to build a multi-book plot arc where one character actually gets around to replacing another. On the other hand, I can fully believe that the way things are proceeding, it is only a matter of time before underground street racing hits Ankh-Morpork.
Afterwards, I complimented his racing, and swore that my attempts to kill him had all been made in jest. Furthermore, I told him that I was excited about the new direction the Discworld books were taking. Clearly, the books about Moist Von Lipwig would eventually tell the story of how he would become the next Patrician, after Lord Vetinari's death.
Then I woke up. I can't say whether this was a prophetic dream or not. It certainly doesn't seem in Pratchett's character to build a multi-book plot arc where one character actually gets around to replacing another. On the other hand, I can fully believe that the way things are proceeding, it is only a matter of time before underground street racing hits Ankh-Morpork.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Video Games Live
Two nights ago, a brand new, high-profile venue opened up in downtown L.A. The Nokia theatre is just across the street from Staples Center, and it's part of an effort to create a central location in Los Angeles where real people can actually park and congregate. Eventually, there will be restaurants, a hotel for the nearby convention center, offices for ESPN, bars, and a bowling alley. That sounds too good to be true, but I'm on board for even half of that. All it's got now is a Metro stop that resembles a gallows.
(To clarify for people who know less about sports than even I do, Staples Center is not an office supply super store. Also, by real people, I mean people who have meat and aren't orange.)
On opening night, the Nokia hosted the Eagles and the Dixie Chicks, two bands which I have no problem with or opinion about, and I certainly can't discount their cultural influence. For the theatre's second show ever, they offered a live orchestra covering video game music.
I've seen enough video game music performed live to know that success generally depends more upon nostalgia than quality. Mr. Bile has written about this as well. There's a certain thrill you get when your brain recognizes, "I've heard this music that was specifically composed not to get on my nerves after listening to it for 100 plus hours entirely too often before!" But then someone plays an 8-minute medley devoted to a game you've never even seen the console for, and you're left wondering how you could have forgotten to bring a DS to a video game music concert.
Which is why I've avoided Video Games Live previously. I'd checked out their setlist and wasn't impressed. But I was looking to take a half day off, and after watching the classic games medley on You Tube, I knew I had to go. After all, wasn't this my dream since I was 14 years old, to hear video game music performed with a full orchestra?
The show takes that last point very seriously. Seeing Video Games Live is the fulfillment of a childhood dream. But as is often the case, my childhood dreams turn out to be kind of stupid.
Video Games Live: Character Sheet
+1,200 XP: The Nokia is celebrating video game culture on the same night that Jennifer Lopez is performing at Staples Center a block away. Those in attendance have something to feel superior about. The Nokia theatre gains its first level.
Level Drain: E For All is going on at the convention center, bilking local gamers out of cash they should have used to go to PAX. This meant a lot of attendees who hadn't taken a shower in the last 24 hours, lugging backpacks overstuffed with swag. Swag does not belong at a concert.
Achievement Unlocked: Most of the orchestra pieces are set to a video montage. This worked particularly well for the opening classic game tribute, Metal Gear, and Starcraft II. SquareEnix doesn't permit the use of their gameplay footage in the concert, effectively skipping over 45 minutes of cut-scenes.
Account Banned: For the most part, the video game footage was a distraction. Even the Warcraft bits weren't edited to tell a cohesive narrative. Due to the SquareEnix ban, the Kingdom Hearts selection was played against a backdrop of Disney cartoons. And with few exceptions, they never took advantage of the theatre's three screens to show the orchestra up close. The camera control definitely needs a patch.
Did You Know?: Music from games you've never played before can indeed be enjoyed live. The Metal Gear arrangement played like an awesome action movie soundtrack. And one of their premiere pieces--Bioshock--was so good it didn't even make me jealous that I don't have the hyperconductive thinking aluminum required to run the game.
What You Already Know: Final Fantasy music sucks. At best, it's a pale iteration on "The Bridge of Khazad Dum." (See also: Halo) At worst, it's Japanese cocktail lounge music. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Video Game Pianist. Twice.
Meet Famous NPCs: "We have some special guests here from Japan. Bring your hands together for...the creator of Dance Dance Revolution! The composer of the music from Silent Hill! And the creator of Castlevania!"
Meet Dangerous Enemies: "But enough about them, here to award the prizes for one of our awkwardly staged live gaming competitions, two of the stars from Postal!"
Previews: Next year, they've promised to have a guitar on hand for the composer of the soundtrack to Silent Hill.
Vaporware CONFIRMED: Apparently everyone needed to bring their own peripherals. They had two guitars on hand already--one for the host, and one for another guy from You Tube. That is what Rock Band and Guitar Hero are for, host. They are for you. Give Akira a guitar and give me my "Theme of Laura." As someone in the audience wisely noted, "I love you!"
Graphics: Without conducting extensive and creepy interviews, it's unclear whether the majority of women in attendance were gamers or just along for the ride. Either way, it's nice to know there are a lot of attractive women in L.A. willing to attend the geekiest thing I've ever been to in my life.
Performance: To clarify, they're willing to attend the geekiest thing ever with their husbands and boyfriends.
Final Score
If you're me: 7/10
If you're the guy dressed up as Solid Snake with Kitana from Mortal Kombat by your side: 10/10
If you're there with your guild and more excited by a video introduction to the music from Super Mario by Koji Kondo than either of the above: 11/10
If you're the guy dressed up as Solid Snake with Kitana from Mortal Kombat by your side: 10/10
If you're there with your guild and more excited by a video introduction to the music from Super Mario by Koji Kondo than either of the above: 11/10
Sunday, October 14, 2007
The Path Of Corn, or the Box Of Orange
If you ever get the chance, going through a Corn Maze is surprisingly fun. Please keep in mind, however, that while it is quite easy to get through as long as you have your map, the moment you forget where you are, you will become forever lost. Suddenly, the sky will darken, your flashlight will slowly lose it's power, and your attempts to figure out where you are will be limited by the fact that the only landmarks you can find are "Corn" and "Corn."
Also, you won't be able to hear the sounds of people looking for you. The only thing you'll be able to hear is the noise of the corn whispering to you, as you wonder why the stars have vanished from the sky.
Instead, you can decide to be a more stay-at-home type, and enjoy the fruits of The Orange Box. Portal is a very good game, although it's not quite as good as you may have heard. Over half of the game is devoted to gradually teaching you how to play the last few levels, and the puzzles stop getting any harder right when you've finally gotten the hang of things. Also, the game's dialogue is amusing, but it's hardly the laugh out loud comedyfest that most reviewers claim it to be.
Again, the game is good, but if it hadn't been packaged with the rest of the Orange Box, I would have wanted more for my money.
After you get done with that, there is the allure of Team Fortress 2. So far, my accomplishments have been limted to fixing things so that I no longer had to jump in place to use my special weapons, and following around strangers and shooting them with a health ray. Soon, I hope to add "Shooting people in the head," to this list.
Also, you won't be able to hear the sounds of people looking for you. The only thing you'll be able to hear is the noise of the corn whispering to you, as you wonder why the stars have vanished from the sky.
Instead, you can decide to be a more stay-at-home type, and enjoy the fruits of The Orange Box. Portal is a very good game, although it's not quite as good as you may have heard. Over half of the game is devoted to gradually teaching you how to play the last few levels, and the puzzles stop getting any harder right when you've finally gotten the hang of things. Also, the game's dialogue is amusing, but it's hardly the laugh out loud comedyfest that most reviewers claim it to be.
Again, the game is good, but if it hadn't been packaged with the rest of the Orange Box, I would have wanted more for my money.
After you get done with that, there is the allure of Team Fortress 2. So far, my accomplishments have been limted to fixing things so that I no longer had to jump in place to use my special weapons, and following around strangers and shooting them with a health ray. Soon, I hope to add "Shooting people in the head," to this list.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
What'cha Been Playin'? (October 2007 Issue)
An odd thing happened after I quit Oblivion and forever removed it from my hard drive for the second time. I started playing games.
Getting rid of WOW and Oblivion was like kicking an addiction. I realized that I wasn't getting full enjoyment out of life, and I needed help. Gametap was a good first step, and it's nice to know that Overlord, Tomb Raider: Anniversary, and Pocket Fighter (Xie-xie!) are always there if I need them for $9.95 a month. But their program wasn't right for me. I needed something, dare I say it, a little less casual. I needed something hardcore.
After attending Ryan Scott's self-improvement seminar on Thursday, October 10th, I learned about Steam. Now, I've had Steam on my computer for some time, but the service has changed in recent months. And now it has changed me.
The last time I played an FPS competitively was over a LAN network in college. We were playing Rise of the Triad, Duke Nukem, and, yes, there was Blood. I pwned Blood with anal madness. At the time, I didn't have the resources on my personal computer to run Quake or Unreal, and by the time I did have the money to afford the Internet connection and the graphics card, I was far behind the curve. Games that existed in three dimensions baffled me. To this day, I still can't play Grim Fandango.
But thanks to my hero Ryan Scott, my life is back on track. Team Fortress 2 is freakin' awesome. My average lifespan is slightly over a minute, but I haven't had this much fun gaming in years.
If you need me between now and when Lost and The Wire come back on the air, look me up on Steam. I'm also game for DEFCON or a mini-campaign of Civ IV. I was able to download the latter and its improvement packs (yay, Korea! I've discovered Buddhism in a country that didn't invent it!) for a pretty decent price over the weekend.
It's too bad I think viral marketing is wrong. I'm turning out to be pretty good at this "liking" things thing. Buy the Orange Box today from the comfort of your own home!
Getting rid of WOW and Oblivion was like kicking an addiction. I realized that I wasn't getting full enjoyment out of life, and I needed help. Gametap was a good first step, and it's nice to know that Overlord, Tomb Raider: Anniversary, and Pocket Fighter (Xie-xie!) are always there if I need them for $9.95 a month. But their program wasn't right for me. I needed something, dare I say it, a little less casual. I needed something hardcore.
After attending Ryan Scott's self-improvement seminar on Thursday, October 10th, I learned about Steam. Now, I've had Steam on my computer for some time, but the service has changed in recent months. And now it has changed me.
The last time I played an FPS competitively was over a LAN network in college. We were playing Rise of the Triad, Duke Nukem, and, yes, there was Blood. I pwned Blood with anal madness. At the time, I didn't have the resources on my personal computer to run Quake or Unreal, and by the time I did have the money to afford the Internet connection and the graphics card, I was far behind the curve. Games that existed in three dimensions baffled me. To this day, I still can't play Grim Fandango.
But thanks to my hero Ryan Scott, my life is back on track. Team Fortress 2 is freakin' awesome. My average lifespan is slightly over a minute, but I haven't had this much fun gaming in years.
If you need me between now and when Lost and The Wire come back on the air, look me up on Steam. I'm also game for DEFCON or a mini-campaign of Civ IV. I was able to download the latter and its improvement packs (yay, Korea! I've discovered Buddhism in a country that didn't invent it!) for a pretty decent price over the weekend.
It's too bad I think viral marketing is wrong. I'm turning out to be pretty good at this "liking" things thing. Buy the Orange Box today from the comfort of your own home!
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Read(ing): The Chopin Manuscript, 1-2
I said I would listen to The Chopin Manuscript, Audible's weekly mystery-in-a-round serial, and that process has finally begun. I was delayed slightly by Terry Pratchett's latest Discworld installment, which was a return to form until the last 40 minutes, which were also, disappointingly, a return to form. If you've read more than 30 Discworld novels, than you know what that means. There may never be a magnum opus. Which is too bad, because as a title and a concept, that would make a great Terry Pratchett novel. And Vetinari would make a challenging protagonist.
The Chopin Manuscript, Chapter One, by Jeffrey Deaver:
The series starts out with one of those "someone you'll never know or care about dies" prologues. Maybe I was too distracted by the over-produced soundtrack at the time, but it lead me to believe the story was taking place sometime during World War II. Also, I don't like actors as audiobook readers, and my first impression was that Anthony Molina was laying it on a little thick.
The first shocking twist is that this is all taking place now(ish). Our nondescript hero is brought into questioning at a Polish airport. Exposition is had, and potential characters are name-dropped. There's a daughter, her fiance, a handful of old compatriots who once hunted down a war criminal using non-profits instead of guns, cultural treasures hidden away by the Nazis (including the "I'm pretty sure it's fraudulent" Chopin manuscript), and the warlord's rumored puppet master nicknamed Faust.
Of course, this being a Deaver story, it's not long before the main character is heading back home to Tyson's Corner, presumably to drop by the latest expansion of the mall, ride the Metro, and visit MVC Late Night Video. Not the most compelling setup, but there are enough hooks for the other writers involved to run with. And in the end, it reminded me of why I love listening to thrillers:
"He smiled as if that could flick away the cached memories, clear as computer .JPEGs, of that morning."
You just can't put up with a metaphor like that unless you're trapped in a car or a dentist's chair, when all you can do is laugh or scream.
The Chopin Manuscript, Chapter Two, by David Hewson:
As with most of the authors involved in this project, I've never read anything by Hewson. I've listened ahead up through chapter 5 though, and this is my favorite installment by far. This guy might bear checking out.
Ditch the predictable "random thug gets shivved before he can kill the innocent girl in the alleyway" bit, and this would have made a damn better prologue. The girl is the orphaned niece of the piano tuner murdered in the opening scene, and her rescuer and eventual kidnapper IDs himself as the mysterious Faust. That would have been a lot cooler if we didn't already know there was a Faust, and if Jeffery Deaver hadn't felt the need to explain the literary significance of the name.
Anthony Head seems more in his element here. It's a good thing this book isn't set anywhere outside of Europe.
The Chopin Manuscript, Chapter One, by Jeffrey Deaver:
The series starts out with one of those "someone you'll never know or care about dies" prologues. Maybe I was too distracted by the over-produced soundtrack at the time, but it lead me to believe the story was taking place sometime during World War II. Also, I don't like actors as audiobook readers, and my first impression was that Anthony Molina was laying it on a little thick.
The first shocking twist is that this is all taking place now(ish). Our nondescript hero is brought into questioning at a Polish airport. Exposition is had, and potential characters are name-dropped. There's a daughter, her fiance, a handful of old compatriots who once hunted down a war criminal using non-profits instead of guns, cultural treasures hidden away by the Nazis (including the "I'm pretty sure it's fraudulent" Chopin manuscript), and the warlord's rumored puppet master nicknamed Faust.
Of course, this being a Deaver story, it's not long before the main character is heading back home to Tyson's Corner, presumably to drop by the latest expansion of the mall, ride the Metro, and visit MVC Late Night Video. Not the most compelling setup, but there are enough hooks for the other writers involved to run with. And in the end, it reminded me of why I love listening to thrillers:
"He smiled as if that could flick away the cached memories, clear as computer .JPEGs, of that morning."
You just can't put up with a metaphor like that unless you're trapped in a car or a dentist's chair, when all you can do is laugh or scream.
The Chopin Manuscript, Chapter Two, by David Hewson:
As with most of the authors involved in this project, I've never read anything by Hewson. I've listened ahead up through chapter 5 though, and this is my favorite installment by far. This guy might bear checking out.
Ditch the predictable "random thug gets shivved before he can kill the innocent girl in the alleyway" bit, and this would have made a damn better prologue. The girl is the orphaned niece of the piano tuner murdered in the opening scene, and her rescuer and eventual kidnapper IDs himself as the mysterious Faust. That would have been a lot cooler if we didn't already know there was a Faust, and if Jeffery Deaver hadn't felt the need to explain the literary significance of the name.
Anthony Head seems more in his element here. It's a good thing this book isn't set anywhere outside of Europe.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Friday, October 05, 2007
Avatar, I Need Oxygen!
Ron Gilbert, designer of the first two Monkey Island games, now spends his time being grumpy, and helping others to make adventure games. His first peice of advice was probably the importance of owning your own intellectual property.
Dave Grossman, one of the designers of the first two Monkey Island games, now spends his time both proving that episodic gaming is possible, but designing a good puzzle is not.
Richard Garriott, designer of the Ultima series of games, now relaxes in a haunted house of his own design. Next year, he's chosen to have himself launched into the icy darkness of space.
Meanwhile, the guy who created Super Mario Brothers is still making Mario Brothers games twenty years later. However, he can only experience the joys of space travel vicariously, by playing his latest game.
I'm sure there's a lesson in this.
Dave Grossman, one of the designers of the first two Monkey Island games, now spends his time both proving that episodic gaming is possible, but designing a good puzzle is not.
Richard Garriott, designer of the Ultima series of games, now relaxes in a haunted house of his own design. Next year, he's chosen to have himself launched into the icy darkness of space.
Meanwhile, the guy who created Super Mario Brothers is still making Mario Brothers games twenty years later. However, he can only experience the joys of space travel vicariously, by playing his latest game.
I'm sure there's a lesson in this.
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