The Post Of Three Things

Thing One:

Looking for a work-safe site to obsessively visit every 420 seconds at the office? Check out the Global Incident Map. It tells you what shit is going down where, courtesy of Google, flashing icons, and a guy browsing the Internet for news stories every day. Take the 420 seconds with a grain of salt, though. I haven't seen much of a change in the last 24 hours. Either the world is considerably safer than I thought or someone's on vacation. Look on the bright side. Maybe it's both!

Thing Two:

Skip this Thing if you don't want my wife to ruin Lost for you, too. If we choose to believe what we've been told by The Others, their primary purpose is to find a way for women to conceive and give birth to children on the island. Now, this can't be the whole story--it doesn't explain their interest in Walt, for example. But let's say it is. If that's the case, why didn't they just come out of the jungle and offer the crash survivors to join them for hamburgers and Dharma rum mai tais in their love gazebos? "Hey, you're all pretty hot and, trust us, we've been here for years, no one's coming to rescue you. Why not come to our resort hatch and get laid?"

This approach could still have a lot of intrigue...

Sawyer: Someone stole all my condoms! Whoever it was, give 'em back!

Paulo: Those weren't your condoms. Things have changed. They belong to the group now.

Sawyer: Look, I don't what y'all do down in Brazil, but where I come from they're one-use only.

(Sayid pulls Jack aside)

Sayid: I suspect The Resort Staff of stealing the condoms. If they don't want us having access to safe sex, we need to know why.

(Jack confronts Ben in The Resort Hatch game room)

Jack: Give us back our condoms!

Ben: Why, Jack? Don't you have a latex allergy? What would you need them for?

Jack: [doesn't ask any relevant questions]

Ben: I know all about you, Jack. Your ex-wife, your aborted affair with the daughter of a mysterious philanthropist. You aren't getting any here. Why do those condoms mean so much to you?

Jack: Because if I'm not having sex, no one else should experience unobstructed physical pleasure! Bernard's getting more action than me!

Thing Three:

I have edited my previous post on my leveling addiction. The conclusion is now more in line with my original intent--to explain in the most discursive way possible why I haven't finished Oblivion. It will probably be edited again, but in case it never makes it into the final version, here's a comment I deleted about end-game content in World of Warcraft:

"You might as well pay $150 to choose Warrior, Wizard, Valkyrie, or Elf in Gauntlet, then sit back and shoot or pick up whatever the guy standing behind you at Shakey's with pizza in his beard tells you to."