A Premeditated Lapse In Connectivity

Help! I seem to have attracted a "biggest fan." He has insinuated himself into my life by kidnapping Mr. Bile and posting on our blog and Internet message boards using his screen name. His deception has extended so far that he has not posted for a whole week, just like the real Mr. Bile. He has an unhealthy interest in my out of print Cat Paws mysteries, and is demanding a third installment where the serial killer is a dog. To use his wording:

"As dogs are like aliens to cats, Night Taco can't use his ability to see what the killer sees to stop the dog. Or if he does, it will drive him insane. You're the author, so what do you think would be better? Either way, the dog gets away with it and is adopted by Night Taco's owner at the end of the book, setting up further mysteries. Then in the next one, the dog can starting molding the owner into a serial killer like Son of Sam or Apt Pupil. Are you going to be playing Ticket to Ride on-line later? I have your porn, too."

Living on the west coast, I can no longer ask myself, "What would Misery guy do?" Instead, I looked to the works of Dean Koontz. The answer was clear.

I am going into hiding for the weekend. This hiding place involves snow, which will hopefully blind the psychic radar of my "BF." I will bring some children's stories I haven't written along for protection, or perhaps dissolve into the crowd of every other Angeleno who thought, "There's snow in them 'thar hills!" this weekend. Hopefully the nightmare will end by Sunday, with someone having tripped over a dog and fallen down the stairs into the light that shines within us all.

I post this here because although I know BF is posting drafts to the blog and not publishing them to continue his Mr. Bile facade, like the rest of the universe, he doesn't actually read it. Assuming I live through the weekend, remind me to get on some forums and start the cross-promotion drive.