Cosdoom

Re: Costume Option Analysis For Halloween 2007
from: Brain Gremlin

Narraptor, below is our feasibility/recognition analysis report on your costume options for Halloween 2007. I was disappointed to see "crazy mogwai" was not on your initial request form when you submitted it 6 months ago. Perhaps you'd be willing to consider this option next year?

I'm going as Tony Randall, myself. Cheers.

Sexy Witch
Supplies required: Sexy witch outfit, sexy witch hat, sexy boots, sexy stockings, perhaps a suggestive wand
Pro: You'd make a very sexy witch
Con: You'd make a very sexy witch
Recommendation: Vetoed by wife

Dr. Gaius Baltar
Supplies required: Depends on the season. Either a lab coat, a suit, or a prison uniform. "I'm a scientist!" glasses optional. Ability to look like you're always about to cry mandatory. Brown locks or Jesus/Charles Manson beard dependent on episode.
Pro: It's Gaius frakkin' Baltar! And good motivation to buy a new suit.
Con: "Battle...what? Gay who? I don't know that that is."
Recommendation: You'd be better off going as Locke or Sayid.

Mr. David Nelson
Supplies required: An unfortunate suit. Short orange hair. White.
Pro: You need a haircut.
Con: "News...what?"
Recommendation: Unless you have a friend willing to dye his hair orange and go as Bill McNeil, this is the wrong reason to get a haircut.

Mr. Vampire
Supplies required: Chinese vampire clothes (robe, hat, beads, shoes, pants, tabard), nails, fangs, and makeup
Pro: Dude!
Con: "Mr... what?" The only people who know who Mr. Vampire is are people who you lent the movie to. Every set of fangs you buy you won't be able to wear. You've never applied makeup in your life. Your hair is too long and the wrong color. You don't have contacts. Hopping up a spiral staircase is a bad idea.
Recommendation: Approved.

---

Post Halloween Costume Report For Halloween 2007
from: Narraptor

Costume Chosen: Mr. Vampire

Supplies Used: Chinese vampire clothes (robe, hat, shoes, pants--accidentally left beads at home) and makeup. No fangs or nails. First pair of fangs would screw up dental work, replacement pair exceeded gum line. Nails would make driving in the dark difficult.

Positive Responses: Looked cool when posing for photos while sticking arms out and making vampire faces. Weird people got it when the opportunity to hop presented itself. My Pal Skipp appreciated the effort.

Recognition Percentage: "Are you a bishop?" "Are you a cardinal?" "Are you a mandarin?" "Are you a mandarin zombie?" "Are you the guy from Mulan?" "Are you Chinese...guy?"

Final Analysis: At one party I attended in costume, a woman wearing a full-on Wonder Woman outfit with a W on the front was repeatedly addressed as "Supergirl." Even if you go mainstream, you just can't win. Success by default.

Please begin research for next year. I expect a report in 8 months on the following options: Sexy Vietnamese Woman, Guy With Tentacles, Lodz, Annoying Guy Who Goes Around And Asks People With Obvious Costumes Who They're Supposed To Be.

In Which I Establish Another Rule

Until the following post gets knocked into the archive, our site is no longer entirely composed of text. Also, we now have comments, which proves my gmail account is working if nothing else.

I'd like to amend the blog rules to suggest that we never promise to write more on something later, because it's embarrassing when we get distracted by Project Runway repeats and don't post again that day. And if we do promise more later accidentally, we should go back and delete that part and hope whoever read it was durnk at the time.

For anyone waiting with bated breath for my WOW rant, it is posted below. As for Errors and Omissions, I barely remember it at this point and would be surprised if anyone gave it a second thought. You should not. The AV Club review clearly outlined the book's flaws, but I was distracted by the shinier potential. "A legal thriller about an alcoholic intellectual property lawyer? How could that not be awesome?"

Well, if the character stopped being an alcoholic as soon as the expository scenes and unbelievable murders began, for one.

Looks like Thursday is Monster Day for me. It will not be vampires, though it might be Mr. Vampire. It would have been sword-tongued zombies, but zombies are too trendy now. Totoros? That's probably a step towards the right continent...

Next week is embarrassing scary story week, and my wife (who has yet to be given her own Interweb handle--she keeps suggesting grandmother names) had a different idea of what story to post than I did. So to encourage more comments, I suggest a vote:

Would the eight people who know this site exists prefer:

• A story about two kids and a haunted house written in third grade on bat-shaped paper (with photos!)
• Excerpts from The Christmas Tree From Hell
  
• "The box! The box!"

Fuck me. Considering that list, having a vote is pretty moot. At least I get the tie vote. And there could be some pretty good stuff in that box.