Which Battlestar Galactica Glasses Are YOU?

Glasses were created by Man
They evolved
They became progressive and photochromic
There are many brands

After 5 years, I decided it was time to get a new pair of glasses. It's not that I didn't have the insurance all the while, or that I'm reluctant to schedule regular doctor's visits. With the exception of a brief period after getting my two front teeth replaced with platinum rims, I've never even postponed a dental checkup. But optometrists make me nervous. Chalk it up to the pressure...

OPTOMETRIST: Which is better 1 or 2?

NARRAPTOR: 2.

OPT: 2 or 3?

NAR: 3.

OPT: 3 or 4?

NAR: Sorry. Again?

OPT: 3 or 4?

NAR: One more time.

OPT: [sigh]

NAR: Um, 3 is fine. I think.

OPT: 3 or 4?

NAR: 4.

OPT: Okay, now 1 or 2.

NAR: I'm not sure.

OPT: Not sure? Either one is better than the other or there's no change. And stop crying!

NAR: But the light hurts my eyes.

OPT: Look to the left of my ear. LOOK TO THE LEFT OF MY EAR!

...and a bad childhood experience that required me to pass a certain test before they'd consider the option of contact lenses.

Then there's the additional stress of trying on new frames. Not only can't you see how they look from six inches away, but by the time you're handed a "Finding the Right Eyewear" pamphlet, your eyes are dilated and you can't read. You roam the racks, hoping the next frames you pick up aren't on the wrong side of the unisex spectrum. Or that they're not completely wrong for you but no one will say so. You don't want to be the guy you saw leaving the store minutes earlier trying to convince himself that he made the right blind guess.

GUY: I can't see and need an honest opinion. How do these look?

SALES REP 1: It's good. You look like that comedian. Fellow sales associate, what do you think?

SALES REP 2: It's a look.

GUY: It is a look.

SALES REP 1: Like Drew Carrey.

GUY: What do you think, female acquaintance? Will this hinder my game?

FEMALE ACQUAINTANCE: Um...

GUY: It's a look.

FEMALE ACQUAINTANCE: It sure is.

Teh Interweb to the rescue. Not only can you take a Frame Personality Test before you arrive for your exam, but Google and Wikipedia offer what hairdressers have provided customers for years: the opportunity to style yourself after people you see in movies and on TV. There's no People (Who Wear Glasses) magazine for your optometrist to leave in the lobby. But there is Google Images! Forget oval versus square-face scenarios. Are you an HRG or a Hiro?

My FPT results were somewhat accurate, although the test questions did not appear to be for me. I don't know enough about shoes to say that I have a style; if I was a car, I'd either be a Japanese compact with good mileage or something that got points for running over pedestrians and causing awesome damage combos; and if I'm at a social event, I'm either A) thinking about when I can leave or B) the only person in my group that's happy to be there. The only answer I felt confident about was whether I was male or female.

I did the best I could with the multiple choices I was given. But it would have been easier just to point to a picture of Baltar.