The Best Worst Episode Ever

And the rush is on, as bloggers, newspaper columnists, entertainment personalities, and graduate students race to comment on The Sopranos series finale.

As a die-hard Lost fan, I've generally left The Sopranos alone. They're both smart shows with demanding audiences, though each caters to different tastes. One is a an epic mystery told through chapters that sometimes play like character studies. The other is a series of character studies told through one-act plays. Personally, I hate plays, because they don't normally have a budget for polar bears, sharks, and smoke monsters, and if they do, singing is usually involved. But Sopranos fans have had to put up with the same short-sighted arguments that Lost viewers have, like "Why don't you kill more/less?" So I gave them a pass in the hopes that those who write for major newspapers would stop bitching about Lost.

My bad.

The primary defense for the drawn-out final season of The Sopranos (it started in March 2006) was: "It's like real life! Isn't it great how this show defies our expectations by not following up on what happened in previous episodes? A television series where loose ends are never tied up or investigated? Brilliant!" (Note that these apologist praises are the same complaints that dogged Lost throughout its third season until the finale.) That's all fine and good if you really believe that, but to me, the direction The Sopranos took in the long run led to three possibilities:

1) Lazy writing on par with Star Trek and The X-Files in terms of disinterest in continuity
2) Pretentiousness unparalleled by any HBO series this side of Cathouse
3) David Chase, creator of The Sopranos, is a total dick

I don't know whether I should be pissed or admire the fact that after watching the series finale, I've come to conclusion number three. David Chase hates you so much for liking to watch people get whacked that he turned The Show That Changed Television into a shaggy-dog story.

No doubt, the finale of The Sopranos is the best worst episode of television ever. It has everything long-term viewers have been dying for, most notably an unexpected but humorous execution. It remembers that the show has an ensemble cast and it ends on a family dinner scene. And there's no denying the tension of the final setup. Tony and his family arriving one by one at the restaurant. Journey playing on the jukebox. The suspicious look of the guy who goes into the men's room (obvious Godfather reference!). The repeated cuts to Meadow trying to parallel park her car before she rushes across the street to the restaurant. The door opens and then--

Black.

Black like it looks like you cable went out black.

For long enough to convince you that your cable actually went out.

And then credits.

Congratulations, David Chase. You've found a way to be the biggest asshole in the history of television and make everyone praise you for it. I salute you, you arrogant bastard.

Lost Update

The reports come in varying degrees of certainty, some with more cattiness than necessary, but it seems clear that the producers behind Lost intend to wrap things up in a season and a half or two. They're also pushing to air the fourth season episodes consecutively, with no midseason break to irritate the more skeptical and impatient fans.

I consider my defense of the show vindicated. Even if it ends badly, at least I'll know they tried to learn from The X-Files, at a time when Battlestar Galactica steadfastly ignores its lessons and Heroes takes the easy way out by being easy. (Just a guess here, but I bet the T. Rex Hiro encounters is stuffed.)

Six episodes into season 3, we're being introduced to the Others, and there will be a Juliet flashback when the show resumes in a few weeks. It feels like we've already passed the plot's midpoint. It's nice to know the writers and producers feel the same way. Maybe I can justify getting a Hanso Foundation polo shirt now.

Having given up on Battlestar Galactica, the only end game I'm concerned about is the one on The Office. There are a lot of relationships up in the air, and then there's the more vicious brand of office politics courtesy of Andy from Stamford. I'm beginning to understand why the British show closed up shop before exploring all the possibilities of its concept, and let's be honest, totally caved in the series finale. I watch The Office hoping everyone has a happy ending, but it wouldn't be the same if they did.

What The Frell?

It was not too long ago that I praised BSG as one of the best shows in season on television. At the beginning of season 3, I could not praise it highly enough. Now I've turned into an "each week is the worst episode ever" fan. What the frell happened?

The easy answer is M.A.N.T.I.S. But that is a disservice to Carl Lumbly, who I can only hope pops up in a Lost flashback sometime soon, since BSG obviously needs multiple black characters as much as it needs a bitter aerospace engineer.

The seeds of suck were already apparent in the first post-New Caprica episodes, and more observant friends of mine noticed dramatic changes in the dialogue as early as episode 2. Things have only worsened since then, with characters stating things we already know ("I know how it feels to lose a child"), expositing things that were just made up ("You know, my dad was really into the faith"), and anything that comes out of Callie's mouth. Don't be surprised if the next episode opens with Callie saying, "You know, Chief, assuming we live through this, I'll finally get that haircut I've been talking about."

I am usually the last person to conclude that a show has been raped by a panda, but when the dialogue goes to hell, that's a bad sign. I remember my shock at X-Files season 7, the one where they were "getting back to their roots." Mulder stopped talking like Mulder, and Scully and Skinner--Skinner!--did likewise. In the most recent episodes of BSG, conversations just seem too scripted. To mine the mid-season finale for examples: the giving up Baltar scene, the Sharon-Boomer confrontation, Helo's speech to Adama about Hera...

Watching those play out, I felt like I was watching TV. Or even worse, Battlestar Galactica the play.

The turning point for me was the boxing episode, which I still believe to be the best worst episode ever. It was worth it to see Chief get punched in the face and for the subtle acknowledgment that he does realize that, dude, Sharon is totally hot, Helo's a boring jock who doesn't deserve her, and Callie cares too much about their baby to do something with her bangs. But the story didn't make any sense. You have so few humans you outlaw abortion, but free-for-all boxing is okay? And the writers doubted our ability to get the point so much that it was delivered via metaphor, flashback, and monologue. Wasn't this supposed to be a smart person's show?

It's not like I never suspected this would happen. I knew something would go wrong when the series became popular enough to warrant 20-plus episodes a year instead of 12. People I trust have several interesting theories about where the show went astray or why it has yet to do so. One thinks they should have kept the conceit from "33", with the Cylons constantly chasing the humans towards Earth. And as far as I know, Mr. Bile still holds faith that the show's first and last episodes each season will totally kick ass. Allow me to present a different perspective, based in part on listening to 40 minutes of the BSG writer's meeting podcasts I previously linked.

1. There is no frelling plan.

2. The writers introduce concepts with no concern for their long-term impact. Remember when Cylons' spines turned red when they were having sex? Sure, maybe Boomer subconsciously always wanted to be on top so no one would notice. But after it turned out the Pegasus guys were having their way with a Six, it never came up again. Don't you think someone would have mentioned it as the ultimate Cylon detector? For that matter, does it happen with Cylon dudes as well?

3. The show lost its edge when they allowed a Six to off Admiral Cain. Having Starbuck back off from Galactica's assassination attempt wasn't a cop-out until an NPC shot her in the head. Introducing Cain as Adama's superior, electing Baltar as President, these were the most promising conflicts in the series after the first season Adama/Roslyn battles. Why kill them off/make them impotent just when things are getting interesting? For that matter, where the hell is Zarek?