Night Taco Mania!

The complete lack of assassination attempts towards me has become galling. A few years ago, I couldn't leave my house for fear of snipers. Now the only reason to stay inside is because it's cold out. Meanwhile, Narraptor is secure in the knowledge that he's worth quite a lot to some very important people.

I decided to work out my frustrations by mastering Hard on Guitar Hero 2. I literally played until my fingers bled, but since that was only five minutes into my first set, my audience remained unimpressed. This was more than made up for by my own reaction, which can be put in the general category of amazement.

Still, I don't want to take Narraptor's success too personally. It's important that even without books to purchase, you should still see Narraptor on his East Coast Tour. His readings are top notch, especially given that he often has to recite deleted chapters from memory. Afterwards, he'll be more than happy to answer the questions of the audience, as long as they are not even remotely connected to the filming of a Cat Paws movie. This includes the Bollywood film that is currently in production, and the Hollywood one that's in danger of being made a "Showtime Exclusive." He will discuss whether or not other authors should have their books made into movies, however. At the end of the show Narraptor always makes sure to throw his cat ears to the crowd, so be alert. His target demographic is prone to frenzy.

My only request is that someone makes sure to ask Narraptor where he gets his ideas from. One day he'll crack, and tell us the real secret that the Author's Guild has been hiding for so long.

Today Is Not That Time

During the last blog post of Canned Food And Shotguns, we will break all of our rules with gusto. Until then, I suppose I'll have to endure these unnatural restraints. It's much easier to obey the common-sense laws of Canned Food and Shotguns. For example, we don't need a prohibition on using the phrase "Jump The Shark." A healthy desire to maintain our self-esteem is more than enough to keep that at bay.

So instead of meager excuses for late posting, I offer swagger and braggadocio. Last night, I ran a game of Unknown Armies with players who I can trust to outsmart me nine out of ten times, and the tenth time is usually because they forgot about an obtuse comment mentioned by one person three months ago in the middle of the night. Plots were hatched, mysteries were plumbed, and I managed an accent that didn't careen into "Not Even Close To Sounding British."

And do not let Narraptor fool you with his devious trickery! Even though I've burned out on almost the entire genre of wacky card games, I still enjoy Give Me The Brain. Games like Munchkin, Chez [EDITED BY BRAIN GREMLIN], and Gloom have not been so lucky. The gameplay for each of them is disturbingly similar. The first few times, you have to learn a set of rules that feels a touch more complex than it was meant to be, and made more so by some very vague definitions. Then someone plays a card that has new rules printed on it that take precedence over the ones everyone else has been playing by. The card's grammar and syntax are puzzled over, someone is hosed, and the game continues.

As familiarity with the set of cards sets in, you get down to the serious business of applying deep strategy to a game that doesn't have any. You start basing strategies on whether or not the Big Unfair Card you need will show up, and praying that the chaff that makes up half the deck ends up in someone else's hands. Then, everyone gets sick of the game and it's either time to pony up for a new expansion featuring more wacky cards (Do you think "Auntie Paladin" is funny? What's wrong with you?) or move on. Alternatively, someone in the group can get an official Munchkin T-Shirt that gives him bonuses in the game. That will bring the game to a much swifter ending, especially if alcohol is involved.

The revised edition of Give Me The Brain is another matter altogether. The rules are only as complex as they need to be, and each card has a sense of fitting into a fairly balanced whole. Six years of playtesting turned out to be just what the game needed.

Finally, I might as well expand on Guitar Hero 2. The game provides you with a mostly complete single player game and a good enough multiplayer mode. If you can put the two together, you'll end up with a complete game. Other facts of note:

Playing on Easy and Medium are easier than in the first game
Playing on Hard and Expert are harder than in the first game
There is no difficulty level in between Medium and Hard

A practice mode is included in the game, to help facilitate the endless replaying you'll have to do once your natural talent runs dry.

As I mentioned before, expect to play through all of Medium difficulty before you even touch the multiplayer game. If you want to unlock more than just a few characters and all the available songs, expect to plumb the mysterious depths of the fifth fret, and the best of luck to you.

The song list has a bit less goofy fun and a bit more angry metal and arrhythmic guitar wanking than I care for. That said, it's the only licensed rhythm game made that doesn't force you to play A-B-C, making me more than willing to forgive songs like Yes We Can. I've even made my peace with Freebird, since the last song I'd want to play is the last song that I have to play.

As an added bonus, the vocals in Killing In The Name Of are performed by a man who only pretends he can't sing.

Holding Pattern

Writing about things I found boring turned out to be boring. Who knew? Interesting things will be discussed later in the evening.

In the meatime, I've just discovered the fun to be had in Guitar Hero 2's cooperative mode. That is, the fun after someone studiously unlocks all the songs in single player mode, because everyone knows a multiplayer game works so well with 4 songs to choose from.

There is a training mode to the game. It ignores obvious questions you might have, like, "How can you play a five button fake guitar with only four fingers?"

Also, there are some questionable choices in the song mix. Guitar solos that consit of random notes played to no melody whatsoever. Also, I may have just rocked out to Christian Metal. This disturbs me.