Help! I seem to have attracted a "biggest fan." He has insinuated himself into my life by kidnapping Mr. Bile and posting on our blog and Internet message boards using his screen name. His deception has extended so far that he has not posted for a whole week, just like the real Mr. Bile. He has an unhealthy interest in my out of print Cat Paws mysteries, and is demanding a third installment where the serial killer is a dog. To use his wording:
"As dogs are like aliens to cats, Night Taco can't use his ability to see what the killer sees to stop the dog. Or if he does, it will drive him insane. You're the author, so what do you think would be better? Either way, the dog gets away with it and is adopted by Night Taco's owner at the end of the book, setting up further mysteries. Then in the next one, the dog can starting molding the owner into a serial killer like Son of Sam or Apt Pupil. Are you going to be playing Ticket to Ride on-line later? I have your porn, too."
Living on the west coast, I can no longer ask myself, "What would Misery guy do?" Instead, I looked to the works of Dean Koontz. The answer was clear.
I am going into hiding for the weekend. This hiding place involves snow, which will hopefully blind the psychic radar of my "BF." I will bring some children's stories I haven't written along for protection, or perhaps dissolve into the crowd of every other Angeleno who thought, "There's snow in them 'thar hills!" this weekend. Hopefully the nightmare will end by Sunday, with someone having tripped over a dog and fallen down the stairs into the light that shines within us all.
I post this here because although I know BF is posting drafts to the blog and not publishing them to continue his Mr. Bile facade, like the rest of the universe, he doesn't actually read it. Assuming I live through the weekend, remind me to get on some forums and start the cross-promotion drive.
Showing posts with label cat paws. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cat paws. Show all posts
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Night Taco Mania!
The complete lack of assassination attempts towards me has become galling. A few years ago, I couldn't leave my house for fear of snipers. Now the only reason to stay inside is because it's cold out. Meanwhile, Narraptor is secure in the knowledge that he's worth quite a lot to some very important people.
I decided to work out my frustrations by mastering Hard on Guitar Hero 2. I literally played until my fingers bled, but since that was only five minutes into my first set, my audience remained unimpressed. This was more than made up for by my own reaction, which can be put in the general category of amazement.
Still, I don't want to take Narraptor's success too personally. It's important that even without books to purchase, you should still see Narraptor on his East Coast Tour. His readings are top notch, especially given that he often has to recite deleted chapters from memory. Afterwards, he'll be more than happy to answer the questions of the audience, as long as they are not even remotely connected to the filming of a Cat Paws movie. This includes the Bollywood film that is currently in production, and the Hollywood one that's in danger of being made a "Showtime Exclusive." He will discuss whether or not other authors should have their books made into movies, however. At the end of the show Narraptor always makes sure to throw his cat ears to the crowd, so be alert. His target demographic is prone to frenzy.
My only request is that someone makes sure to ask Narraptor where he gets his ideas from. One day he'll crack, and tell us the real secret that the Author's Guild has been hiding for so long.
I decided to work out my frustrations by mastering Hard on Guitar Hero 2. I literally played until my fingers bled, but since that was only five minutes into my first set, my audience remained unimpressed. This was more than made up for by my own reaction, which can be put in the general category of amazement.
Still, I don't want to take Narraptor's success too personally. It's important that even without books to purchase, you should still see Narraptor on his East Coast Tour. His readings are top notch, especially given that he often has to recite deleted chapters from memory. Afterwards, he'll be more than happy to answer the questions of the audience, as long as they are not even remotely connected to the filming of a Cat Paws movie. This includes the Bollywood film that is currently in production, and the Hollywood one that's in danger of being made a "Showtime Exclusive." He will discuss whether or not other authors should have their books made into movies, however. At the end of the show Narraptor always makes sure to throw his cat ears to the crowd, so be alert. His target demographic is prone to frenzy.
My only request is that someone makes sure to ask Narraptor where he gets his ideas from. One day he'll crack, and tell us the real secret that the Author's Guild has been hiding for so long.
East Coast Book Tour
Attention, East Coast readers. I will be flying to Virginia at the end of the month to promote the second novel in my series about a cat who captures serial killers. I will arrive on Saturday, January 27th and leave on Sunday, February 4th. My stay may be cut short if I choose to visit New York at the end of the week for some reason.
Digame, Won't You Tell Me picks up immediately after Manos De Gatos left off. The necrophiliac Bukkake Killer is now locked away in a maximum security aquarium prison, but feline detective Night Taco's favorite librarian has gone missing! Night Taco will have to plumb the depths of the Bukkake Killer's psyche to learn how to see what the kidnapper, who also happens to be a serial killer, sees. Unfortunately for him, this does not work as well as it does in movies!
The first novel in the Cat Paws series is currently out of print, and Digame, Won't You Tell Me won't actually be on shelves until at least 2009. Advance galleys will not be made available during the tour. I will, however, be on hand to sign any Tad Williams books bought in the store.
Digame, Won't You Tell Me picks up immediately after Manos De Gatos left off. The necrophiliac Bukkake Killer is now locked away in a maximum security aquarium prison, but feline detective Night Taco's favorite librarian has gone missing! Night Taco will have to plumb the depths of the Bukkake Killer's psyche to learn how to see what the kidnapper, who also happens to be a serial killer, sees. Unfortunately for him, this does not work as well as it does in movies!
The first novel in the Cat Paws series is currently out of print, and Digame, Won't You Tell Me won't actually be on shelves until at least 2009. Advance galleys will not be made available during the tour. I will, however, be on hand to sign any Tad Williams books bought in the store.
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