Read: Throne of Jade

Nothing says mass-market fantasy like a title that means absolutely nothing without "Book Blank of the Blank Chronicles" to give it context. In this case, Throne of Jade is book two in Naomi Novik's Temeraire series. It's kind of fun after 270 pages. That leaves 194 pages of fun.

As I mentioned some months ago, the Temeraire series is Patrick O'Brien with dragons. What I meant was that it is Patrick O'Brian with dragons. But since one of my New Year's resolutions for the blog is to be less obtuse, I'll elaborate. It's Master and Commander with dragons.

Set during the Napoleonic Wars, Novik imagines a world that has always been populated by dragons, with different breeds native to different regions. Dragons choose companions shortly after hatching (they turn feral if they are born alone). In Temeraire's case, he is seized from a French transport by the British navy as an egg and hatches in their company. He chooses the ship's Captain, Laurence, who must then resign his post to join the British aerial corps.

What separates this series from conventional 15-year-old wish fulfillment fantasy is that the dragons are large enough to be crewed. They are strung with webbed harnesses and carry officers, gunners, and bombers. And though there are chapters devoted to battles and tactics, those are not what Novik excels at. The most interesting conflicts are mannered ones of politics and rank, as they should be in this sort of historical fiction.

Throne of Jade begins shortly after Her Majesty's Dragon left off, with the revelation that Temeraire was originally sent by the Chinese government as a gift for Napoleon. After much to-do and an unnecessary battle sequence, Temeraire and Laurence are ordered to take a ship to China. The English wish to use the dragon as a bartering chip in their war against the French.

While the events that occur during the voyage do eventually have a point--Temeraire, already chafing under the rules of the aerial corps, learns about slavery, which he will later contrast with how respectfully dragons are treated in China--everything that happens before the ship reaches Macao bogs the book down. The sea monster doesn't even appear until page 243. Things pick up afterwards, but the climax turns out to be what the savvy members of the corps suspected all along. The Emperor's brother wanted to use Temeraire in a bid to challenge the throne.

As with the first novel, there are some neat instances of plot creep (my still temporary terminology for when the main character of series becomes more unique and powerful in each installment). For one, Laurence becomes an adopted son of of the Chinese Emperor in order to keep Temeraire. Also, while the Emperor's brother dies as a result of his final attempt on Laurence's life, his dragon does not.

That leaves several plot hooks that might make the next book more interesting. Napoleon still hasn't come after Laurence; Temeraire wants to reform the way England treats dragons, at the very least by giving them a salary for their service; Laurence's father and country will no doubt react badly to his adoption, even if it is in name only; and there's a pissed off albino dragon out there who might want revenge. And judging from the preview chapter, Temeraire and crew are going to take their return trip by land.

In the end, I have the same opinion of this book that I did with the last one. Start with the next book. It could be pretty cool.

Japan's Children Are Our Future Taiko Drum Masters

Hello from the future, where one misplaced letter renders our very language into katakana or some other form of Asiany hieroglyph. A mere 15 hours from now spacebars will be half their former size and bordered by character changing keys that are easily hit by stubby American fingers. It's what Morgan Spurlock warned us about.

The flight to Japan was dehydrating but otherwise uneventful. If you must be stuck in the middle seat on an airplane for 11 hours, a destination in Japan is probably your safest bet. I finished Errors and Omissions, and will have a word for the Onion AV Club when I return. I also skimmed through a small press horror novel which I won't mention by title. The publisher begged in the back pages for positive reviews on Amazon and Barnes and Noble's web site. I will do him a better courtesy and not dissuade anyone from reading this novel with homophobic homosexual sex, boring gratuitous violence (the worst kind), and scrotums filled with centipedes.

I should have just picked up the latter books in Naomi Novik's dragons meet Patrick O'Brien series. Despite having more semicolons in the first three pages than I have ever seen in my life, Her Majesty's Dragon is kind of fun.

When hiking through my wife's hometown today, we passed by her old elementary school. Rather than struggling with sea shanties on plastic recorders, these kids were outside wailing on Taiko drums. I felt robbed. And unless we restore music to our public school curriculums and invest in Guitar Hero, it's only a matter of time before we're all listening to Johnny Hell.

On another frightening note, I had been warned that there were big spiders and centipedes in my wife's hometown in the summer. I ran into one in her family's house last night that was bigger than my hand, and not in that daddy-long-legs way. The thing was horrifyingly proportionate. I guess when you grow up in an environment with spiders that big you can't afford to be afraid of them, but as far as I'm concerned that's like siding with the demons just because you're in Hell.