Welcome to Los Angeles Everything you have heard about it is true. Every movie set in L.A. is based on factual events, and each of these events will repeat themselves over and over throughout the course of your lifetime. You're in luck: This week is based on To Live And Die In L.A.. Enjoy the smooth sounds of Wang Chung, and thank your lucky stars that you made it here before Miracle Mile Month.
I can tell that Narraptor has told you about the San Diego Zoo. He left out the ducks, of course. But wherever there is an unprotected body of water, you will find them cohabitating with the animals you supposedly came to see.
He may have left out the three reptile houses. The first one is in plain view, and is protected by a seething river of children. They agree that snakes are cool, but they'd be cooler if they moved. Perhaps if they bang on the glass, their dreams will finally come true.
For the rest of us, there are the forbidden reptile rooms, small cubbyholes hidden away from prying eyes. Enjoy, but always be aware that this is the one part of the zoo where you can die, and nobody would notice.
But we should go, now. The flamingos are very unhappy, and you know what that means. It means it's time for Hot Monkey Love.
It seems like over half of the crowd here is underage, and only knows about Voltaire through his MySpace page. This means that they don't know the words to Ex-Lover's Lover, and have no idea that Dead Girls is missing from the playlist. The upside of this is that they do know his MySpace songs by heart. Have you ever wanted to hear a room full of fourteen year olds upstage the Goth community of Los Angeles? Listen to those kids singing their hearts out when Voltaire holds the mike out to them during When You're Evil. Tomorrow, you will get a chance to compare them to Club Eternal. I can go ahead and tell you that you should place your bets on the Monkey.
This illustrates the most important thing about Hot Monkey's MySpace crowd: They really want to be here. Some of them had to go as far as to drag their parents to the show, and you know that wasn't easy. It will be even harder next time, when those parents think back on Voltaire's long discussion about being anally assimilated during The Star Trek Experience.
I should wrap up today's trip with some words on Creature Feature: They may not be perfect, but you will enjoy yourself. Better still, their first full-length album doesn't suffer from the strange flatness that invaded so many of the CD's I have bought at Goth shows.
Does anyone here like not having wasted their money?
